Classy Bowl Predictions: Big Party

Posted by Big Party

Hey, I’ll bat cleanup on the prediction front.  I decided to give predictions for the full B1G bowl gambit because I felt like it.  I don’t need to justify myself to you. 

As usual, my predictions will be short on in-depth analysis and heavy on sarcasm.  LET’S GET STARTED!

Texas Bowl, Dec. 27: Minnesota vs. Syracuse

The Gophers have a chance to be back to back champs!  No, I'm not talking about the football game. I’m talking about the the Rodeo Bowl of course!  Even though last year’s Gophers were very close to besting the Texas Tech Red Raiders on the field, isn't it even more impressive that a team from Minnesota beat a team from Texas in a rodeo games competition?  Those Syracuse punks from up-state New York don’t have a chance!

As for the Texas Bowl itself, I think the game will be much more exciting than it’s shaping up to be on paper.  Syracuse and Minnesota are both run first teams that have pretty good defenses and uneven production from the quarterback position. However, it was in this game last season the Gophers first lined up in the Maryland-I Golden-I.  Also, given an extra week to prepare for Nebraska earlier this year, Coach Limegrover installed the jet sweep action and a whole mess (sorry to use such scientific terminology) of pre-snap motion.  Basically, the point I’m trying to make here is that I think we’re in for a few surprises from the Gopher offense. 

The Gophers will hit on a couple gimmick plays early and race out to a two touchdown lead.  Syracuse doesn’t have the offense to play from behind, and the Gophers will be able to control the clock the rest of the way with a strong ground game.

Minnesota 27, Syracuse 13

Rose Bowl Game Presented by VIZIO, Jan. 1: Michigan State vs. Stanford

Pictured: Touchdown Jesus celebrating another flag on MSU.

Stanford won some big games in an overrated Pac -12, but they also found ways to lose to Utah and the walking dead at USC. Meanwhile, Michigan State was couple of questionable PI penalties against God’s Favorite Team (Notre Dame) away from an undefeated season.  I like Michigan State to put a nice cherry on top of a pretty spectacular season in a hard nosed, throwback Rose Bowl.  Michigan State 17, Stanford 13

Discover Orange Bowl, Jan. 3: Ohio State vs. Clemson

Dark Lord of the Sith Urban Meyer and his team of ruffians will come out on top against future former Minnesota Vikings QB Tajh Boyd in a game full of offense. (For the nerds out there who know that Sith lords always come in twos, it's not hard to figure out who the other one is.  Hint: It rhymes with Nick Saban.)   Ohio State 45, Clemson 41

Capital One Bowl, Jan. 1: Wisconsin vs. South Carolina

Both teams were potentially a laid egg (Penn State for UW and Tennessee for SC) and/or a bad kneel down away from a berth in a BCS bowl.  Despite both teams not quite reaching the heights they had hoped for, I think this could end up being one of the best bowl games this year.

Is Jadaveon Clowney even playing anymore? (Checks ESPN.com) Yep, he is. Neat!  I guess I haven’t heard much about him since he tried to protect his future earnings potential by sitting out an unpaid game earlier this year.  I would venture to guess that the people who cover college football lose interest in you as a story after you blatantly show them that college football is not as important to you as the NFL.

I respect this Badger team a lot and think that Borland, Gordon, White, and Abbrederis will all get some play on Sundays, but I think this is a loaded South Carolina team that will be looking for redemption in a season of unmet expectations. South Carolina 31, Wisconsin 24

Outback Bowl, Jan. 1: Iowa vs. LSU

I don’t foresee many scenarios that keep the Hawkeyes in this battle of tenuously tolerated coaches.  All four of the Hawkeye’s losses this year were to quality competition (NIU, MSU, OSU, UW), but there is too much speed and too much talent on the only team that beat Auburn this year.  If LSU takes the lead early, the Hawkeyes just don’t have the firepower to catch up.  LSU 42, Iowa 20

Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Dec. 28: Michigan vs. Kansas State

Note: Objects on the internet appear much larger
than they actually are.

Finally, the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl draws a match-up disappointing enough to accurately represent their restaurants!  “Hey, this is going to be good,” you might say to yourself while either entering a BW3’s or looking at Michigan or K State’s prospects at the beginning of the year.  But then you see how expensive everything is and how small the wings are, and a feeling of malaise takes hold of you as the meal/season progresses.  The wing sauce is just good enough to make you forget about how crappy everything else is, and both teams showed just enough punch at the end of the year to make this game seem interesting.  However, Devin Gardner is just not a very good quarterback.  Kansas State 28, Michigan 20

TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl, Jan. 1: Nebraska vs. Georgia

Quarterbacks? Who needs ‘em!  Both of these teams suffered the misfortune of losing their star quarterbacks to injury this year (honestly, when was Taylor Martinez ever not injured?). Running backs Todd Gurley and Ameer Abdullah are studs, but Gurley is probably the better back and could carry Georgia to victory in this one.  However, for comedic purposes, I want Nebraska to win this game.  I want to live in a B1G that contains Bo Pellini and the ire he inspires in the Husker faithful.  Nebraska 30, Georgia 27

Welp, that's all I got for this year folks. I won't have the time to put together a recap after the Texas Bowl as I'll be in panic mode wrapping up loose ends before I leave the country for nearly a month. It has been a joy climbing a out of my comfort zone and into my first blogging experience.  I still think it's bizarre that friends, classmates, and coworkers might actually read some of my meandering keyboard diarrhea (internet, you crazy!).  I just hope something I wrote resonated with someone on some level, incited the occasional snicker, and made people wonder why this guy with the funny nickname over utilizes parentheses. 

Be kind to others this holiday season and have a fantastic new year!